(via my-life-in-darknesss)
- In preschool my biggest secret
- was that i didnt like the haircut my mother gave me
- or the pants she made me wear
- and that the girl in my class wouldn’t let me play with the toys
- and sometimes I’d cry
- because i thought no one liked me.
- In kindergarten my biggest secret
- was that i broke mummy’s favourite glass
- and hid it before she saw
- and that the other girls and i didn’t get along.
- In first grade my biggest secret
- was that the boy i liked called me ugly
- and another showed me his underwear
- in the back of the classroom.
- In second grade my biggest secret
- was that the boy next door called me names
- and math was harder for me
- than the other kids.
- In third grade my biggest secret was that the boy next door
- followed me in the halls
- and told me i wasn’t good enough
- in gym class the others made fun of me when we ran
- and sometimes i’d write in my diary about how i didn’t like being me.
- In fourth grade my biggest secret
- was that i never forgot the boys
- who poked fun at me in the years before
- and that i was seeing what they saw in me
- and i didn’t like it.
- In fifth grade my biggest secret
- was that i knew Santa Claus was mommy and daddy
- and that i was starting to dislike what i saw in the mirror
- and sometimes I’d cry at night
- because i couldnt handle simple things.
- In sixth grade my biggest secret
- was that i didnt think daddy loved us much anymore
- and i didn’t like the fat on my body
- or the hair on my head.
- In seventh grade my biggest secret
- was that sometimes i took daddy’s razors from his workbench
- just to see what it felt like
- and that sometimes I skipped dinner.
- In eighth grade my biggest secret
- was that my bracelets on my wrists weren’t for no reason
- and the razors from the workbench came with me wherever i went
- and that sometimes i skipped dinner
- and breakfast and lunch too.
- In ninth grade my biggest secret
- was that sometimes i took dads cigarettes from the car
- and that smoke curling through my insides
- brought more relaxation then anyone would ever know
- and the razors i had thrown out
- were just the spares.
- sometimes the razors would go deeper
- and the lighters werent simply just for cigarettes
- and that my body grew limp not from laziness.
- but because i’d skip dinner lunch and breakfast.
- in tenth grade my biggest secret
- was the plan i had
- and the notes i had written
- and the date i had marked
- because in tenth grade
- my biggest secret would be my last
- and everyone would soon know
- my biggest secret of them all.
